Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Letting it out - Sisterhood lacking

Currently enjoying 2 weeks (except for one day) off from work. In the middle of a heatwave and pretty much staying inside. I find myself in deep reflection, meditation and that has resulted in joy and awakening. I'm pretty sure that the friendships I tout as being all important and close are a different species than I convinced myself and others they are. I no longer feel as close to most of my friends if i did at all, I'm not 100% sure. That being said, I can say my relationship with my husband has grown immensely and I feel even more in love with him now as if we were still those awkward teens enamored of each other many years ago.

I do plan to work on figuring out which friendships are indeed natural bonds, honest and true. No longer are the days that the only time I have contact with people is when I instigate it. I always knew that was a sign of the true nature of my relationships with others, but I wasn't willing to face it. But now as part of my growth I must. For one thing I've changed and grown so much even my spiritual belief system has taken a new path and I find myself yearning for others who are not the same as I but at least tolerant, understanding and willing to be open to genuine connection. :-) This post may get me in trouble so I must make it clear that I'm not saying here that I don't like or care for my current friends. I'm just not sure where those friendships really lie. A couple folks I do have a clear understanding of what our friendship is and I enjoy what we share, but sometimes I just want more. I'm still as posted in past blogs am interested in that close girlfriend relationship. One that is close and not because the only conversations are of drama, strife and pain. It's important yes to be their for friends and I pride myself on that but I can't say I feel that I can feel as vulnerable with others. Hell I sometimes struggle with that with my husband, but I do eventually find total comfort in sharing with him. He's a great listener and always willing to help and support me. But the sisterhood in my opinion is so important and still lacking.

Hoping through meditation and self reflection to be able to make myself open and available to sister-friendship :-)

Light and love
thanks for letting me get it out
me :-)