Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Letting it out - Sisterhood lacking

Currently enjoying 2 weeks (except for one day) off from work. In the middle of a heatwave and pretty much staying inside. I find myself in deep reflection, meditation and that has resulted in joy and awakening. I'm pretty sure that the friendships I tout as being all important and close are a different species than I convinced myself and others they are. I no longer feel as close to most of my friends if i did at all, I'm not 100% sure. That being said, I can say my relationship with my husband has grown immensely and I feel even more in love with him now as if we were still those awkward teens enamored of each other many years ago.

I do plan to work on figuring out which friendships are indeed natural bonds, honest and true. No longer are the days that the only time I have contact with people is when I instigate it. I always knew that was a sign of the true nature of my relationships with others, but I wasn't willing to face it. But now as part of my growth I must. For one thing I've changed and grown so much even my spiritual belief system has taken a new path and I find myself yearning for others who are not the same as I but at least tolerant, understanding and willing to be open to genuine connection. :-) This post may get me in trouble so I must make it clear that I'm not saying here that I don't like or care for my current friends. I'm just not sure where those friendships really lie. A couple folks I do have a clear understanding of what our friendship is and I enjoy what we share, but sometimes I just want more. I'm still as posted in past blogs am interested in that close girlfriend relationship. One that is close and not because the only conversations are of drama, strife and pain. It's important yes to be their for friends and I pride myself on that but I can't say I feel that I can feel as vulnerable with others. Hell I sometimes struggle with that with my husband, but I do eventually find total comfort in sharing with him. He's a great listener and always willing to help and support me. But the sisterhood in my opinion is so important and still lacking.

Hoping through meditation and self reflection to be able to make myself open and available to sister-friendship :-)

Light and love
thanks for letting me get it out
me :-)

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Tiring full moon


The fuzzy full moon photo was taken 5am this morning on my cell phone as I headed to work. I really need to purchase a decent camera with a lens attachment for the moon pics. But for now I'm happy to honor the moon as best I can. I'm so drawn to it, I simply must snap shots.

What followed was a very busy work day that completely wore me out. All I wanted to do was go home afterwards and nap or laze about. That didn't happen. Hubby, granddaughter and I took a 1 mile trail walk and stopped at a couple stores. Wore all of us completely out.

Today I learned how our society puts human value based on what you own and look like. The idea that it's completely acceptable to go into debt with loans/credit to own the recent car, t.v., shoes ... for others to see us in is pretty scary to me. I only allow debt in several cases: our mortgage, student loans and medical bills above our insurance. I desperately need an improved car, but the prospect of possibly needing financing and picking up a monthly bill is causing me considerable concern and worry. I'm hoping to find a used car I can buy out right cash, or pay off in less than 6 months. Fingers crossed.

Well that's about all my fingers can take posting from my phone. Now off to bed with my tummy full of sausage pizza and peach soda.

Goodnight, sweet dreams and blessed full moon.

Love and light
Me :-)

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

"Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change." ~ Mary Shelley .. Frankenstein

Today nothing proved more true than the change in "furniture" on our mail sorting floor at work last night that the staff walked in on this morning. This change did not affect any of their personal working spaces, created larger space to maneuver about (a big complaint of said staff) when coming and going and made it easier for them to handle their equipment without having to roam about to retrieve certain items. The only person(s) that it did affect were myself and 3 other staff members who use the items that were moved around to sort out mail going to the other staff.

This did not however make any difference in their response. In fact a couple complained so much you would really think their personal work space was moved and changed (it wasn't). I tried remaining pleasant, showing how
much I enjoyed the breath of fresh air in the changes and tried reassuring them that not only was I aware of the changes, I was o.k. with them. Because in truth I love change, I thrive on it. Always have.

Eventually the "whining" got under my skin and I let them know how I felt about the "whining" as I interpreted it and explained why I'm happy about the move, how it helps me to serve them better getting their items to them in a timely matter as well as making it easier for them to function within the building. Of course I got still more "whining" and eventually the shrug of coerced agreement.

I understand that change is difficult for many if not most. I understand that their response is their's and their's alone and I mustn't judge or react to it. But I just felt a little bristly and annoyed and wanted to at least say my piece. I did leave it open that I'm completely ok with any suggestions and changes made as it is a work in process and tweaks are to be expected. I hope that my willingness to accept any changes and to continue to work happily along with them (which is my truth) will encourage others to maybe re-think their response and how they let such small things affect them so much.

Also it's important for me to remember I don't know their day to day life. What transpired last night, this morning or last week even that may put that person in a place that just doesn't allow them to accept one more change without a break of some sort. I am blessed and thankful that for me that is rarely the case and that I am open to going with the flow.

but still...give me a break! :-)

** I'm happy to return to blogging just to get my thoughts out and being able to return here and there to see where I've been and where I'm their growth? **

blessings and light
me :-)