This week has been one of my most painful weeks yet, with yesterday and today being the worse. It's starting to wear on my nerves and I'm having those thoughts of quitting my job. Is my body/quality of life worth the very good pay I get? (And did I mention it's only Tuesday?). I have neck pain, shoulder pain, pain up and down my spine, my wrists, hands, fingers, arms, shoulders (especially the right that has now started clicking - great), hips, lower back, knees, ankles and feet. The joints are in an uproar now that I do pretty much ALL heavy lifting or repetitive lifting/throwing of parcels at work everyday.
There's always the trade off of working the afternoons and not having to do the breakdown from the trucks but I DESPISE that idea more than my family does. I've always loved being able to come home early in the day and get things done and spend time with my loved ones. When I close I feel I miss so much because that is the time of day they are here and lively.
I already know what my rheumatologist thinks... STOP doing that job there's no way of getting out of what you do while there. Of course she totally understands that I can't just leave without a backup plan. Therefore she tries to keep me well covered to manage pain. I just hate it.
The thoughts of becoming a doula and/or a midwife often dance just out of reach because I would love it and I have all of these ideas of how I would apply it and give back to my community (the teenage mother community I was once a part of). But then the fears of coming up with the extra $$, whether or not I would SUCK at managing my own business, etc seep in and I file it in the back of my brain in the file cabinet to the left of the one that's covered in dust and cobwebs filled with dreams long lost and gone forever. The one to the left has those dreams I still consider obtainable like raising goats and chickens, moving to a larger piece of land and having solar panels on my home. :-)
so now I'm waiting on my breaking point ... my a-HA moment as Oprah would call it that gives me the boost I need. I just hope I'm ready when that time comes.
peace and love <3